I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
