I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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