Don't worry. I has chaperone.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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