I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize