I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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