Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
why do cheetos always look like penises
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
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