Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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