it wasn't lemon gatorade
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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