i just sent this text using only my big toe
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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