Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
