I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
send nudes
from the living room?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
