oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
