So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
