Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
