We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
