You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize