I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
