I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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