hell yes lets make some ravioli
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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