I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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