just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
