I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
