i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
