what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
