the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
True college students do jello shots in the library
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