So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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