Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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