I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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