I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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