apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
