i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
