we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Randomize
