someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
