Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
