im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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