babies were throwing up all over the place
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
