Me. At least after what I've been through.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
