i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
