I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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