He asked to "fluff my boner.."
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
