She is in my trunk
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
