I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
