hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
