Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
