At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
