and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
