you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize