there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
