My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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