I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
