who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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