Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
