Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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