you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
