In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
