omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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