He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
