Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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