Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
