oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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