We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
