Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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