we have pet lesbian snakes
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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