Jerry, you need to find god
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
