Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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