I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
