the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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