I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
