I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
